I never really believed in this Valentine Day business. I never had anything against it either, but I could never understand why one needed a special day to tell someone you love them. I have been driving around a lot these past few days, and therefore listening to a lot of radio. And I have to admit I don’t really mind the ads and anecdotes that fill the radio waves these days about preparing for the Valentine’s Day, for it means that much less airtime for the ghastly real estate ads!
There was one that particularly caught my attention yesterday. The ad was for a skin clinic and raved about how beautiful your skin could become, well in time for the Valentine’s Day!!! Painfully commercial I know, but for some reason, it reminded me of my mum. She had the most amazing porcelain skin that was translucent even when she was in her last days battling a relapse of cancer. The most gorgeous hair that she started losing when she started taking her chemotherapy. And a smile that went up all the way to her brown eyes! She was radiantly beautiful while she lived and radiantly beautiful now in our memories. When she hugged me, I felt like the last of my worries would just melt away, and I am glad I never waited for a Valentine’s Day to tell her how much I loved her.
It’s not so bad that this Valentine’s Day blitzkrieg urges one to express the love one has for another person. For if you don’t do that in time, you may realize it’s too late.
Here’s to my gorgeous Valentine, my beautiful mum!
Archive for the ‘life in general’ category
Love you, my Valentine!
February 13th, 2011Eating and Praying to find Love
October 5th, 2010Elizabeth Gilbert is a fine storyteller.
I can quite understand the frenzy the book “Eat Pray Love” has evoked. It makes for easy reading and makes all the right noises about emptiness and the need to find a balance in life- all buzzwords for women who lead stressful lives trying to be superhuman in wanting the best career, the best lover, the best shoes and still be normal! A kind of book one could take on a holiday to the beach or the hills and finish off in one or two sittings. Like I did. And forget about it.
However, to look for an inspiration to find a new meaning in life by reading the book seems a little too far-fetched, despite the superfluous reviews by the likes of Oprah! The captains in Vatican needn’t have wound themselves up in the belief that the book will encourage people to look towards the East for peace and ignore Western religious beliefs, as the book in my opinion was little more than a common Western fetish towards Eastern mysticism and spiritual sensibilities. I did like some of the author’s explanations of how spiritualism really means that one needs to practice flexibility in one’s religion and that really is the only way to finding peace, and to her credit, some of her experiences of struggling with finding that balance did make one relate to her. I also liked her long-drawn descriptions of a simple mozzarella cheese pizza that all but made me drool! 
But the issue with the book is the author’s obsession with herself and her ability to find perfection even in her explanations about her apparent imperfections. The four months she spends in each location almost always seem to have the perfect prescribed ending, and for someone who seems to be on a pursuit to find a balance and accept imperfections, it seemed a little too contrived and fake. I am happy for her if she managed to sample the best seafood ravioli and the thinnest chewiest pizza in the world and the best wines, learn to communicate in a foreign language, experience divinity, learn to dodge and ignore mosquitoes, and have a fairy-tale ending to her love life all in the course of one year, each part compartmentalized in neatly divided boxes of four months! Do I smell of smoking hot envy? You bet I am! I wish most of us had at least some of that fortune. Especially to have an all-expenses paid year long vacation that is destined to get you the finest food, a brush with the divine, and a too-good-to-be-true lover!
I am now looking forward to reading her sequel to this book…….but before that I need to plan my next beach holiday!!!
Appreciating the beauty of greys
September 24th, 2010So what is goodness? And who is good? Is Robin Hood good? I guess it depends on whether you are a friend of the Sheriff or not!
In the last few weeks, I have been in a space where I had some tough choices to make about people and issues. Should I necessarily trash someone because he has had a murky past even if he has a side to them that fuels a kind of development in society that one hasnt seen before? Or should I learn to ignore his follies and violent past and appreciate him for the side that is positive? Not easy, especially when emotions run high and you are dealing with someone who has been impacted by the gory past.
But I have also realised then the importance of being non-judgemental and taking a stand, sometimes even if is against popular sentiment is important if one has to look at solutions and move on. Because life is always grey. And it cannot always be judged in black or white.
Is Arundhati Roy to be admired for giving a voice to the Maoists who questionably haven’t had any other means but violence to protest against the state’s apathy or be rapped for misusing the freedom the state has given her by cloaking half-truths and presenting only one side of the picture? Should the Mahatma’s murder be condoned just because one group of society felt that he compromised India’s position with the British on the issue of Partition?
The thing is I like Arundhati Roy for her writing. I admire her ability to weave words into sheer poetry and her clarity of thought when she pens an essay. But I can’t stand the fact that she is OK with the brutal murder of human beings just because they have a CRPF uniform on them, in the name of justice. So is she good or bad?
I adore the Mahatma. He was a man like no other. And even after reading his autobiography for the third time in ten years, I never cease to be amazed at his foresight and courage, and get mesmerised by his thinking all over again. But did he delay India’s independence when he agreed with the Brits to postpone the talks until after the Second World War was over in 1939? Perhaps. Would that have had an impact on what India could have been. Surely. Is he a bad leader then?
Maybe not.
The thing I have come to realise is that there is good and bad in everyone, even in the best of men. It’s unfair to be judgemental about people because there will always be another side of the coin that tells a different story. A man like Nobel who gave the worst kind of destructive tools to the world also made it possible for champions of peace to be recognised.
I have come to realise that the beauty of life is in the appreciation of the greys. For every black there is a measure of white. And its ok to have an opinion that is not extreme all the time. That it is fine to hate and like the same person for different aspects that they bring to fore.
Unless of course, it is a Suresh Kalmadi!
Instinctive decision making
March 15th, 2010I have been speaking on this subject a lot lately, with many stories from my life and career as examples. A recent talk and a blog on this subject thereafter (http://pr-discussions.blogspot.com/2010/03/prpoint-women-and-leadership.html) drew some very interesting comments and feedback. A couple of comments warranted a clarification. One was wondering if there was a distinction between male “reason” and female “instinct” and if it really applies universally. The person also reasoned that that there are a lot of men who have this sort of an “instinct” and let it rule over “reason” many times.
The other comment was that the crux of the thought implied that if one follows one’s instinct, one tends to not stick to any one good place, however satisfying it might be.
It is true that “instincts” could be strong in both men and women, and more importantly, both sexes are capable of relying on their gut. My premise was that as a woman, having string instincts come naturally, but many women don’t rely on this natural ability they have, mostly owing to peer pressure and societal norms that sometimes equate instinctive decision making with being emotional. Listening to one’s heart and doing what makes one “feel good” is woefully under-recognised in our societies and I wanted to share some insights from my own experiences to highlight how it could be used to one’s advantage.
Following your heart doesn’t mean you change your mind every now and then. Sure, there are all kinds of people in this world. Some find their happiness in stability and some others want to explore multiple dimensions of their personas. Instead of being judgemental on what could be a better path, I would say the focus should be in creating a path that works for you. The objective of my talk wasn’t at all to say that one needs to follow the path I have charted for myself. Its worked for me but it may leave some others who have different wants in life totally dissatisfied. That is really the underpinning of instinctive decision making.
Matter of perception
September 2nd, 2009In my work, I have the privilege of interacting not only with people across cultures but also with people with “disabilities”. A recent experience showed how its all a matter of perspective as to what you consider “disability”.
My friend who is visually impaired decided she is going to post a picture of hers on this social networking site (yes, she is incredibly IT savvy and totally “with it”!!!), even though she wont be able to see it. I saw the picture, in which she looked incredibly sexy and complimented her on her gorgeous looks. She called me soon after and said she was confused. She had got mixed reactions from people on the picture, with some saying that maybe it was “too sexy” and made her seem er… frivolous, which she is not. I disagreed (since she looked fantastic) but told her she could review it once more and put up something that was “more acceptable”, but she should do what makes her comfortable. I asked her how she would choose the right picture. She smiled and responded…she will have to choose the right person to make that judgement!!
That statement said so much. We assume that if one has a certain disability, one would also lose one’s sense of making the right judgement. I learnt on this call yesterday that our ways of making choices are different, but that’s the only difference.
In another discussion, this time with a sighted man, I was discussing the process of recruiting blind high potentials who would conduct workshops for senior business leaders. Firstly, he was intrigued that someone with disabilities could actually teach a thing or two to the best brains in business. When I explained to him that it wasnt about IQ, but about EQ, his first question was…”are there enough educated blind people for us to go on this recruitment drive?”. His question was baffling to me. Since I work closely with forums and platforms related to disabilities, I probably have a better idea of the ground realities, but his perception of the fact that if one has disabilities, one is also bound to be kept away from a decent form of education told me many things. Perceptions and practices that prevail in our society, and achaic laws that refuse to take cognizance of about 10% of the population.
In yet another interaction, I was pleasantly surprised to see employement agencies working to place people with disabilities in mainstream jobs. And these are not charities or NGOs. They are for-profit organisations running a successful business- just that they have found a niche that very few have any understanding about. Its all about perception!
I am looking forward to speaking at the US Business Leadership Network later this month where senior HR leaders of corporate America will discuss and find real-time examples of how they can bring more diversity into the workforce, and actually enhance productivity and employee engagement.
What are we teaching our kids?
June 16th, 2009Example 1: I almost fell off my chair this morning reading the newspapers. Kanpur University thinks the sight of bare hands on their female teachers was distracting students enough to ban them entirely from their faculty’s wardrobes. Noble thought indeed. Wonder how the sight of bare arms is more distracting for a student than the ancient methods he or she is adopting to teach. Or even the fact that he or she might be in the class chewing paan or gutkha. Besides what’s education got to do in a learning organization. Why should the organization teach men about respecting a woman’s wishes and her desires? Isnt it more appropriate that they learn early that its OK to ban anything they fancy in the name of decorum and discipline? Don’t the educational institutions realize that outdated knowledge and methods of teaching that is disconnected with where the world is moving today is the biggest distraction that’s keeping kids from learning?
Example 2: I was channel surfing the other night and came across this ghastly serial called “Laado”. Supposedly, it is a serial made to bring to the limelight rising cases of female infanticide in Haryana. What I aw in the episode was anything but. There was this loud-mouth village ruffian (a woman no less!) who had dragged her daughter-in-law to the Panchayat on some flimsy case of adultery (not yet proven). The husband is conveniently missing, and to cut a long story short, the Panchayat, after some arguments back and forth with the “victimized girl” tell her to spend 6 months in the house of her mother-in-law as a maid….
I am sure this happens in reality in some boondocks in the Haryana hinterland. But there are all kinds of audiences for television, and I cant for the life of me understand how one can promote the cause of preventing female infanticide, if this is the general tenor and storyline the awful serial is taking. Am I glad I hate telly soaps!!!!!!!!
Example 3: Nothing gets my blood boiling more than seeing small kids travelling in fancy cars with their parents throwing trash out of the moving vehicle as if the whole neighbourhood was their personal trash can. The parents have lost their civic sense anyway, but cant they at least pretend to be socially aware and teach their kids a thing or two about basic etiquette? Wish they’d at least read their children’s environmental science book once when they are asking them to mug the answers. I get into an argument with one such callous parent at least once or twice a month on an average….but is that the answer? Cant we find a simpler way to instill a basic sense of civil behaviour in public?
living a dream…
May 19th, 2009I was hearing my dear friend Soumitra Dutta, who wrote the book “Throwing Sheep in the Boardroom” the other day, speak about his book where he opines that the future of work lies not in the hierarchy and position an organization provides an individual but if individuals can excel and unleash their potential. Besides, today’s “employee” collaborates not just within the organization but also as much outside and the fine line between work and pleasure has dulled considerably. I am living his theory in some way.
The last 6 months have been the most difficult but some of the most exciting months in my life. I struggled to find my course and take decisions that I knew would have big implications on my life and career. After all, I had a wonderful job, great boss, amazing colleagues, and a supporting family to boot. It seemed stupid to rock the boat on one side, but there was this nagging feeling that unsettled me. Instead of ignoring those feelings, I decided it was time for some introspection and determine how I wanted to live my life in the coming months and years.
In my 15 year career, I have had fantastic opportunities where I have led projects where there had been few precedents. Be it creating a roadmap for commercialization of India’s first biotech crop, overcoming what could be the worst business environment, or executing a brand transition in 19 days or taking a brand from being virtually unknown to be nominated as among the top 5 to watch out for, my career has been full of excitement and challenges that have not only been fulfilling for me as a professional, but have also shaped the person I am today. Now, other than having a strong will and perhaps a reasonable above-average intelligence, I don’t think I have any other remarkably different skills that an average professional possesses. I realized that what really helped me succeed all these years was the ability to look at a seemingly impossible situation and create a path to find a solution for it. It was the challenge that excited me and helped me get the successes I have had so far. One of things I had always struggled with was to translate my vision to others and delegate, but in the last few years, my biggest satisfaction has been the creation of the communications team from scratch at HCL and watching this vibrant and high-energy team grow from strength to strength and execute programmes with an expertise and panache that would put much experienced veterans to shame! Easily the best and the sharpest team in the world!!!!
I find myself again at the crossroads now, and I choose to take the path less travelled. The decision to move out of a role that gave me so much success and satisfaction hasn’t been easy but I need to this now. I am excited about the challenging projects I have determined for myself, that will bring significant business impact to the organizations I will associate myself with. Time will tell if this was an intelligent decision but it definitely feels good. I truly believe today I can be successful and get peer recognition purely for the value I bring to the work I do, and not be judged primarily on a high profile designation I might have.
I am also reminded at this time of this discussion I had with Prof Gary Hamel sometime back where he was telling me about this company he was very impressed with called WL Gore. He told me that employees in the company had no designations. I pretended that I wasn’t baffled, but I actually was. I mean, how does one know who’s the boss? Gary’s theory was very simple. He said if “someone calls for a meeting, and the invitees turn up, well, he sure is a leader”!!!!!!!!!! Which is true, isn’t it- people naturally gravitate towards people they think bring value to their work and their lives. Isn’t that really a better yardstick to determine who has “leadership” potential?
So there…flagging off my personal journey and experiencing the “future of work” where the fine line between personal and professional, between social and business, between work and pleasure is just that….a fine blurring line!
