So I was reading a magazine the other day featuring Mallika Sarabhai. She of the mismatched earrings and “a foot in every form of intelligent entertainment” fame. I was very intrigued to read the reason she cited on why she wears mismatched earrings. Apparently its because the female form is asymmetric and this is her way to prove non-conformity to the “patriarchal” society we have. Set me thinking….she has a point but then, does anyone get it? I didn’t for sure, and I can be called a mild feminist. Mild because I don’t believe I need to wear on my sleeve (or my ears) that I feel strongly for women to have their own identity and not be shy of expressing it. Mild because I don’t think being anti-men is necessarily the same as being pro-feminism.
I was having a discussion on this subject with a friend recently and he said that if only women did two things- they would have an identity and a voice. Being mobile (as in know how to drive) and being financially independent. He had a point. Being mobile means the woman is not scared of being left alone in the world with no one to take care, and having money in her name, whatever little, gives her a sense of security that no amount of familial bonding can. Wonder if Mallika Sarabhai would approve….

I love having people over. I love the thought of my home filled with friends and there is no greater joy in my life when I have the opportunity to cook for family and friends! But I can’t say the same when I am a guest at someone’s place. And this is especially true when it comes to Indians- either in India or abroad! This has much to do with the strange fascination that most Indians have for overfeeding their guests. Firstly, if you choose to go to someone’s house, especially a close relative or someone elder- you have to go for a “meal”. I mean how insulting if you just land up for a cup of coffee, right??!!! Secondly, you can’t be on dainty diets or watching your weight when you have been invited or simply happen to be over at your favourite aunt’s home. Let me explain. When one is invited over for, say a lunch, it will start with some juice or coffee (yes, it’s OK to drink coffee BEFORE or after a meal). And of course, coffee has to be teamed up with at least 4 varieties of snacks and small-eats. If you have any less than three rounds of each kind, you clearly don’t “like” the item- and the host will take notice of that and mention to you till the time you leave their place. The main lunch spread is then presented, which will typically consist of at least 3-4 kinds of side dishes, bread, rice, two varieties of salad, yoghurt and papads. It doesn’t matter if the small eats have filled you up by then. You need to do justice to every single dish on the table. And the three-round rule applies here as well. Then comes the sweet dish, or dishes as they may be. Its too bad if you don’t have a sweet tooth or bordering on being a diabetic. You have to do justice to the thoughtfulness with which your host has prepared your faourite sweetmeats! And then comes the coffee- again. Most Indian hosts, especially if they happen to be matronly aunts or relatives belonging to the spouse side of the family have to be extra vigilant when it comes to your nourishment. It is almost like they have a single purpose of existence on the face of this earth- which is to prove their love for you through their ability to feed. It’s all very well, but it is in situations like these that I strongly have come to believe that they to a man’s (or a woman’s) heart is definitely not through the stomach. In fact, it proves the contrary. And over the years, as I have grown to love and enjoy cooking for people I love, I consciously try not to equate the popularity of the dish I have prepared with the quantity they eat. I am happy if they don’t follow the three-round rule. I am happy with two!! Besides, I am very health conscious and want my guests to be healthy as well. Except when it comes to my chocolate puddings. I mean- if you like chocolate and me (not necessarily in that order), how else will you show it??!!!!!!!!!!!!

Over the past few days, I have been having major arguments with a friend (based in the US) on the telephone. Invariably, I am in my car when he calls, and irrespective of what the conversation is at that point in time, it veers to the topic of the Great Indian Honk!! Now, anyone who has driven on Indian roads would vouch for the fact that there is this pleasant background noise caused by constant honking when one is on the road. Its one of those things that one takes for granted when in India, that people, alien to the rules of being on the road in this country, can be completely at sea.
Honking on the roads in India is not to be mistaken with the way it is viewed by the quieter west. It is, by no stretch of imagination, a rude intrusion of someone’s privacy. It is, well, our way of communication and feedback, even while being on the move!
For example, the intensity of the honk varies depending on what one driver is trying to communicate with other drivers or pedestrians on the road, as the case may be.
A gentle honk means: I’m about to overtake you, watch out.
Continuous honking means: Move out of my way, you are wasting my time.
A sharp honk means: The light is green- why am I not moving? After all, it’s only understandable that the patient Indian roadster who has three cars and ahead of him, and two motorcycles that are perpendicular to him, can’t seem to figure out why, with the light green, he is not zipping at 60kmph.
By the way, not all Indians honk. Some of the well-travelled lot, who appreciate the ways of the west when it comes to maintaining decorum and rules while driving, make do with a gentle flash of light every now and then- which means: Watch out, I’m behind and want to overtake! Of course, this breed is a scarce lot, mainly because it’s not a trait with which one can survive for long on Indian roads.
I am sure we all appreciate the importance of open communication and continuous feedback at all times. Why should being on the road be any different?? It is only a reflection of the adaptability of Indians that we as a race tend to be not so rigid about rules, including and especially when we are behind a steering wheel. When people overtake from left and right, or when they jump lights- it’s to be viewed with a healthy respect for being opportunistic and enterprising. It has nothing to do with being unruly or having scant respect for the law. Talking of law, we prove we are a peaceful nation by the absence of cops at every major traffic junction with Speed guns or with cars with flashing lights. If that isn’t a sign of civility, I don’t know what is!!
We also believe in the rule of Live and Let Live. It’s only natural for cows and dogs have the right of way. After all, we want to be inclusive in every sense of the word. And our animals, with their bindaas attitude can put PETA out of business! And the presence of multiple modes of transport and people on foot at any given point in time can only be considered as the best way to test people’s eye-brain coordination, as well as their reflexes. I can guarantee that Indian drivers have the best reflexes on the face of this planet. Where else would you see folks maneuver their way, jam the brakes, and move on- all in a span of a few minutes without batting an eyelid?
My friend needs to learn a thing or two- patience and adaptability- Indian driver style, are things that come to my mind immediately! Perhaps it will help us have a decent conversation without the Honk intruding our private space!!!!!

This weekend raised a lot of questions in my head and made me extremely conscious of something we take for granted- that life is really an uncompromising journey, where the human mind seeks out and revels in adversity. The reason for this soul searching was the two hours (or a little more!) I spent watching “Into the Wild”- a movie where there is plenty of sorrow, and unbelievable joy- all at the same time. It was disturbing, provocative and mind numbingly fresh, to say the least. Suggested to me while taking walk in the snow two weeks ago by someone I look upto, I enjoyed experiencing the exuberance and innocence of Christopher Johnson McCandless, the young adventurer whose footloose life and a senseless death raised a lot of questions in my mind but also reinforced my love for open spaces, fresh air and bright sunshine. The film is Sean Penn’s adaptation of the nonfiction bestseller by Jon Krakauer, that goes by the same title. The protagonist in the film is troubled and impulsive but also brave and industrious, and brutally honest. I loved the way the films juxtaposes the notes he writes to his friends, parts of which are scrawled across the screen in bright yellow capital letters, with the narrative by his younger sister. If I didn’t like travelling enough, my wanderlust was ignited again by the gorgeous capturing of the North American landscape - the ancient woodlands of the Pacific Northwest, the canyons and deserts farther south, the wheat fields of the northern prairies. And I seem to share the same mystical reverence that Mr. McCandless has for Alaska after seeing the drop dead beauty, which I learnt was captured on camera to a large extent by Sean Penn himself. The movie, sometimes in extreme, makes a case for the average Joe to not lose sight of the idealism in the course of materialistic pursuits in today’s world. On a different level, it also appealed deeply to my maternal instincts, on how children react to seemingly innocuous domestic strife and unsettling environments. It also asks the question that I think is becoming so relevant- “What is he really running away from??” Is having things too easy in life making people seek out opportunities that will test their survival?? Is Chris craving for risk to shake off the urban numbness he has been exposed to?? This question hasn’t ever been so relevant as it is today…. While Chris expresses “If you want something in life, reach out and grab it,” the movie’s theme, thankfully, is not so simple. The movie makes no attempt to defend the protagonist for his weaknesses, or strengths for that matter. Even while he is idealistic and fiercely seeking soltitude (he seems to almost feel lost without the company of books, even when he is in a cabaret bar!), he is also extremely social with an incredible gift of befriending all those he comes across during his travels. This seems paradoxical to what he says to one of his friends against seeking happiness in human relationships. “Into the Wild” is a movie about the desire for freedom that in a lot of ways is freedom itself, and shows how solitary we all really are! What is special about this movie is that it glorifies the experience and not the end. Which brings us back to the point- if pushing oneself to the survival limit is what the essence of being human is all about, then we need to consciously choose our boundaries wisely- and enjoy the experience!!!

It was about 4:30 am when I woke up this morning. It was pitch dark I groped around for the lamp switch to see the time and not finding it in the hotel room in the first 30 seconds was enough to frustrate me. It is not that I am uncomfortable in the dark. But those few moments were enough to make me realise how helpless one feels when one has a sense of loss of the most powerful sense- the sense of sight. 

I remember not so long ago, when during a powercut in Delhi, I was trying to search fro my little boy in the dark. Even though I knew his whereabouts, it was rather bizzare to realise how the mind turns fictitious when its familiar footholds are taken away. It wasnt until I heard his voice, that I was able to relax and was so thankful when I held his little hand in my hand and even more so when the lights came back on.  

So when I got the opportunity to participate in a workshop called Dialogue in the Dark a few months back, I was more intrigued by the idea and decided I had to participate in it. The workshop, a brainchild of a German psychoanalyst called Andreas Heinecke, was conducted in complete darkness, where blind guides lead sighted people through a maze; through an array of spaces, objects, voices and smells. 

We were a group of 8, from different nationalities as this was happening on the sidelines of the World Economic Forum, and never have I so completely (and blindly, may I add) trust someone as our blind guide, Daniella, who led us through the maze. The group activity that we did in the darkness forced us to learn to trust each other, for without the other’s support, you were simply not going to be able to do the simple task that was assigned to us- that of pouring a hot cup of coffee! It was unusual to have such close contact with a person whose face I had not seen. More importantly, I had begun to make mental images of the other workshop participants, who I had seen, but in the dark, basis their voice and touch, I started to conjure up an image, that was shocked to realise when we came out in the open as to how different it was from reality. I realised in that moment how devoid my imagery was of stereotypes, that we so easily jump to in the world of sight.

Every branch of a tree that I touched, every fruit I smelt and every other human hand I felt in those two hours- tickled my imagination. Sounds become sharper, and I realised I was judging the presence of other people and things through a strange sensation in my body, almost as if there were waves of vibrations.

“Most people who are defined as blind can see something - an abstract picture or remnants of light and shadow. Totally blind people do not see black, like you experienced” said Andreas, who i got talking when came out of the darkness.”They see nothing.”

It was an experience I wont forget in a hurry. The workshop also made me realise another important thing, that I also wont forget in a hurry- to be alive to the fact that there is an other in this world of beautiful things, who are as beautiful- and they need to be appreciated for the special extra they bring, the touch and the ability to see things that less mortals who are sighted cannot. 80 percent of the information we receive comes through the eyes. The remaining 20 percent are divided among smell, taste, hearing and touch. That is why blind people are known for having senses that are extraordinarily sharper than those of sighted people. In certain respects, they experience an alternative reality that is no less correct or exact than the one we sense.

I returned back to my hotel room a converted soul. I reached out to switch on the light. But then thought, maybe not. I decided I was going to try and imagine a world where things vibrate, colors have energy, taste occupies volume and shapes have a life.

India

Our freedom struggle is yet to start. Hopefully the day we celebrate the day when we are truly free isn’t too far away…………..

I have been meaning to write for a long time. To share the many interesting two hours I have had in my life and continue to do so. Some people drift through their entire life. They do it one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time. It happens so gradually they are unaware of how their lives are slipping away until it’s too late.
I do believe it is not the years in your life but the life in your years that counts. Like the time I saw the first Broadway musical in NYC. It was “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels”- the movie version of which I had seen at least thrice. But the two hours (well, not exactly, but little over!!) I spent experiencing the show seem so surreal. The show itself was no great shakes- decent acting and little over the top comedy, but walking from the W-Union Square hotel to the theatre, past at least a hundred nationalities in the streets of New York, taking in the sights and smells of my fave city made it worth every second. Its tough not to find, no matter where you’re from, to find somebody in New York who seems alien to you. Culturally, geographically, and socially, it’s distinct from any other place in the United States. For that matter, it is very different from any other place that I know. For starters, how many places in the world can claim that the billionaires they house ride the subway to work, not merely because of a populist affectation — but because its more efficient. From having grown up in Delhi, where “taking public transport” is a sure way of evoking sympathy and moving up in life is synonymous with being driven, fed, and waited on by a bevy of people, New York City is a revelation in more ways than one!!! Big leveller for starters!

Like I said, the show was incidental- that two hour experience in the streets of New York was one that made me realise how little of humanity I had touched- there are so many people, cultures, lives that I have to experience……………